Australia to create wildlife corridor for animals and plants fleeing global warming ...

... because plants can run.

Excerpt from an amusing piece from the Daily Telegraph on climate change missionaries who say "do as I say, not as I do":

Year of the wealthy hypocrite

29 September 2007

Next Friday is Walk to Work Day, which, if I observe it, will deprive a taxi driver of my usual fare.

Being susceptible to enviro-tokenism, quite a few journalists should be joining in. It'll be a sad morning at the wheel for Tran and Nkomo. One wonders if cabbies might call for a No Press Day in response, shutting down Australia's electronic and print media to cut carbon emissions. The reduction would be substantially larger than anything achieved by walking to work.

Perhaps cabbies will turf us out of their Falcons as part of a taxi-based environmental initiative.

It'd only be fair. I'm no commie - well, not since the mid-80s - but I'm still made uneasy by rich folk bossing around their economic inferiors, or demanding others reduce their quality of life while stomping around like emperors themselves. Nobody likes a rich hypocrite. If this year has a theme (besides "Kevin 07") it must be "sanctimonious wealthy people telling others how to live" - which is pretty much the long-hand version of "Kevin 07" anyway.

Let's rock through the year thus far in cashed-up enviro-piety:

JANUARY: Canadian enviromonk David Suzuki sets out on a journey across his great white nation - staining it black with diesel fumes from his gigantic rock star-style tour bus. "It's kind of too fancy for our needs," admits Suzuki's press agent. "But it does the job."

FEBRUARY: Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth wins an Oscar, but the next morning a genuinely inconvenient truth is reported by the Tennessee Centre for Policy Research. "Gore's mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year," the Centre reveals.

"In his documentary, the former vice-president calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home . . . Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore's energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400kWh per month in 2006."

MARCH: Venezuelan dictator-in-training and leftist cuddle toy Hugo Chavez announces joint plans with China to ship oil, build refineries and expand crude production - reversing his previous views, expressed during a 2005 address to the UN, when Chavez railed against "an unstoppable increase of energy" and warned that "more carbon dioxide will inevitably be increased, thus warming our planet even more". The fat, pock-marked Kyoto ratifier also said he regretted causing pollution and asked developed nations to look more favourably on solar power.

APRIL: Four US Democrats vying for the presidency fly from Washington DC to South Carolina for a debate. Each candidate - Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden - will happily talk your leg off about the crucial vitalness of addressing global warming. And each one of them flew in their own chartered jet. Also in April, climate scaredy cat Kevin Rudd flies to the US so he can be photographed with Rupert Murdoch.

MAY: Australian of the Year and national alarmist-in-chief Tim Flannery is photographed by The Age newspaper enjoying lunch with dizzy old Margaret Fulton. On the table before them is clearly shown a bottle of San Pellegrino mineral water - imported from Italy. This is a bad thing, as an environmental justice conference once admonished: "Buy locally grown, organic food, rather than buying conventionally grown or imported food." Those rules don't apply when you're the sort of high-roller who charges up to $50,000 per speech.

JUNE: Australian country singer and scary actress husband Keith Urban joins the "blockbuster line-up of performers" who'll play at Al Gore's Live Earth concert in New Jersey next month. "Global warming is something that will ultimately affect all of us on this planet," Urban says, "and if there is one thing that music can do, it is to bring people together despite their politics or differences."

One difference between most people and Urban: most people don't have a 12-cylinder, 300km/h, Gaia-torturing Bentley Continental GTC in their Sydney garage. Another difference between Urban and most people: Keith keeps a second Bentley at his US home. Way to save the planet, yodel boy.

JULY: This doesn't exactly fall under the category of hypocrisy, but it's worth noting that on July 9 Reuters reported: "Australia will create a wildlife corridor spanning the continent to allow animals and plants to flee the effects of global warming, scientists said on Monday."

We have plants that can run?

Also in July, Al Gore's Live Earth concerts starred Joss Stone - who asked staff to keep her car engine running while she gave interviews at Live Earth Johannesburg - and Madonna, who owns a fleet of cars including a Maybach, two Range Rovers, two Audi A8s and a Mini Cooper S. A concert highlights show broadcast in the US is out-rated by a soccer match between Peru and Argentina shown on a Spanish-language network.

AUGUST: Sydney Morning Herald environment writer Wendy Frew condemns wealth as a cause of global warming - "over-consumption is, literally, costing the Earth . . . Every $100 spent on clothing generates 70kg of greenhouse pollution" - then three days later wins the 2007 Australian Government Peter Hunt Eureka Prize for Environmental Journalism. The award is described as "Australia's most significant cash award for environmental journalism."

SEPTEMBER: Radio and TV science babbler Dr Karl Kruszelnicki announces he will run for the NSW Senate as a candidate with the Climate Change Coalition - but, as The Daily Telegraph reports today, Dr Karl isn't so frightened by climate change that he is giving up his beloved fuel-chomping V8 Monaro ("it's got lovely, lovely performance").

Anyway, enjoy Walk to Work Day, and look forward to future events that are Walk to Work Day's logical extensions - including No More Work Day, That Dog Has Stolen My Blanket Day, and Forage for Beetles and Nuts Day.

See - Year of the wealthy hypocrite.